5 Unexpected Truths I Learned from 5 Years of Not Drinking

1st January 2025

I celebrated 5 years alcohol free in October 2024! I can’t really believe that it’s been 5 years because not only has the time gone so quickly but so much has changed for me. If you want to read more about why I stopped drinking, check out my first blog on this subject here and then 4 years later here.

Over Christmas I was in the pub meeting some friends for a drink (Zero Alcohol Guinness is one my faves!) and I was asked about my sober journey. The response I got was, “Oh I could never do it.” I totally get that sentiment and often felt like it myself before I stopped. Since giving up drinking I can see so clearly the dysfunctional relationship that society has with alcohol and how it holds us back. The truth is, I didn’t even drink that much over the course of a week, yet I know that I did not have a healthy relationship with alcohol. I used it as a stress reliever, a method of blowing off steam every now and then and before I stopped, I realised that even one glass of wine was impacting on me a lot more than I had ever realised. When I decided to stop drinking five years ago, I expected some changes in my life. What I didn’t anticipate was how transformative the decision would be—not just for my weekends or my mornings, but for how I live, feel, and connect with myself and others. Looking back, here are five unexpected truths I discovered along the way.

1. Not Drinking Changed Absolutely Everything for Me

At first, I thought not drinking would simply mean fewer hangovers and a little more clarity. Instead, it became a catalyst for profound transformation. Without alcohol, I started to see myself, my habits, and my choices with crystal clarity. It has enabled me to learn to feel into what feels deeply aligned for my true self for the first time in years. It wasn’t just my nights out that changed—it was my mindset, my goals, my emotional and physical health and my entire approach to life.

As I reflect on all the changes that I have made in the last 5 years I feel like this decision is one of the most pivotal moments of my whole life. I think it’s the first time that I ever chose myself and what was best for me. After a lifetime of people pleasing and prioritising other’s, this bold decision which frankly goes against the grain of how most people live, sparked a deeply rebellious part of me that had been dormant for a long time. I think I would call it a re-awakening, sparking a connection with my core values to help me remember who I really am and to help shed the layers of armour that had weighed me down.

2. It Helped Me Unearth All My Unconscious Patterns of Behaviour

Alcohol had often served as a coping mechanism, a distraction, or even a permission slip for behaviours I didn’t fully understand about myself – self sabotaging, anxiety inducing ways of being that I had never wanted to look at before. I could lay the blame for my anxiety at the door of the heavy weekend rather than looking at how I was living and the part I played in my own dysfunction. It gave me carte blanche to avoid responsibility and I would bury my shame at not being able to be a ‘better person’ in avoidance and red wine.  When I stopped drinking, I had to face those unconscious patterns head-on. I very quickly saw how much I numbed myself through booze, even that odd glass of wine here and there, for me, was avoidance. Why did I reach for a drink when I was anxious? What did I avoid confronting by numbing myself? By removing alcohol, I uncovered deep-rooted habits and beliefs that no longer served me. I have discovered my sense of self-worth was practically non-existent and that I attached all my worthiness to the opinion of others, constantly seeking validation and often from sources that have never been able to give it to me in any meaningful way. These are patterns that have been imprinted in me for so long but over time I committed to working on and changing them, building my self-worth and creating new, supportive core beliefs. The process is challenging, and it isn’t quick because it’s not a tick box exercise but it’s worth it. It has taken me a great deal of time to figure out these patterns and unhelpful beliefs that are a part of the journey. I know I’m not done either, there is always another layer to discover but it has given me the power to break free and make conscious choices.

3. It Taught Me That I Needed to Feel All My Feelings

Let’s be real—feeling your feelings can be hard. We are not taught how to do this in life. Many of us have been taught to ignore our feelings, particularly the more challenging ones like anger and sadness. We are berated for showing our feelings, we apologise for crying. We are experts at shutting down our emotions. Alcohol had been my go-to for softening the edges of tough emotions, whether it was stress, sadness, or even boredom. Without it, I had no choice but to sit with those feelings and truly experience them. At first it felt like everything was in HD, my feelings were louder and more visceral, and I didn’t know what to do with them. Over time, I realized this wasn’t a punishment—it was a gift. Feeling everything, fully and authentically, allowed me to begin to learn to process emotions in real-time and move through them instead of running from them. It was like re-learning how to be human, and it made me stronger and deeply connected to myself. We are meant to feel our feelings and I have found ways to identify and be with my feelings. But, let me be clear, it’s a journey not a destination and I still often get stuck in my head. I have noticed a tendency to intellectualise my feelings and I will often try and think my way out of them. So many of us do this and it shows up when we are looking for logical explanations and answers for our feelings and to rationalise our way out of them. This way of living has become a core part of my work with my clients because I have experienced the value of it myself and want to share it with the people I work with and…it’s not as challenging as you might think.

4. It Changed Many of My Relationships

People were not as judgmental about it as I thought they would be about quitting drinking. One of my biggest fears was how others would react. Would they judge me? Would I be the “odd one out” at every gathering? The truth is most people didn’t care nearly as much as I thought they would. In 5 years of sober living, there has only been 1 person who was set on making me feel uncomfortable with my choice and I know that their response is simply because they were uncomfortable with their own relationship with alcohol.

If anything, many people respected my decision and even confided in me about their own struggles with drinking. It turns out that the story I had built in my head about others’ reactions was just that—a story. I often get messages and emails from people who have read my blogs or posts about giving up alcohol and I’m very open to sharing my experiences of what led to me giving up and the resources I used along the way.

That said, when I stopped drinking, some relationships have shifted and there are people that I no longer speak to now. I don’t attribute this to the fact that I no longer drink but more that I have been able to set boundaries for myself and assert myself in a way that I didn’t have the capacity to do before.

I can now see that I tolerated a lot of unhealthy behaviours from people in my life due my complete lack of boundaries which I now know was linked to my low self-worth which I sustained through my poor relationship with alcohol. I wasn’t able to see how some people in my life benefited from how little I thought of myself until I began my sober journey. I spent time learning what boundaries were and how I could practically set them, practices that have been interwoven with building my self-belief and self-worth along the way.

This has meant that some connections have been severed. I think this has probably been one of the most challenging elements of this part of my life. There are members of my family that I am currently not in contact with, and friendships have ended, some of those are through my own choice and some not and I didn’t see coming. When I reflect, I know that I have consciously changed my way of living and that not everyone is able to come along for the ride with me. I also know that in those relationships, some benefitted from me having non-existent boundaries and low self-worth and that by living more loudly as me, this has created a divide that in some cases may never be repaired.

On the flip side, some of my relationships have deepened. Without the haze of alcohol, I can connect with people on a more genuine level. Conversations became more meaningful, boundaries became clearer, and I spend time with people who support and celebrate my choices and those connections have become more vibrant and authentic.

5. It helped me discover that I am autistic.

The journey of self-discovery that came with giving up alcohol led me to an incredible realisation that I have only really made in the last 6 months: I’m autistic. Without alcohol muting my discomfort or masking my struggles, I began to notice patterns in how I interacted with the world, processed emotions, and experienced sensory input. Just over 6 months ago I began to read more about the experiences of late diagnosed autistic women that resonated with me a great deal. I began to research and fell down a rabbit hole of reading, taking online assessments (that all indicated that I was likely to be on the spectrum). I held off seeking a professional diagnosis for a while as I talked myself out of it with arguments such as – “I can hold conversations with people, I don’t struggle in the ways I had read about in autistic people, surely this would have been picked up on my now….”

But this is also a very common situation with women and girls who are autistic, we can mask so well that often people would not notice. I began to see how much I had been masking and I could no longer avoid looking at this possibility. I sought out a professional diagnosis in October and I have been processing it since. It’s the wildest and best revelation for me and honestly feels like a missing piece of a puzzle.

I will write more about this in due course, and it may even need a series of blogs to do this realisation justice, but I don’t think I would have made this important self-discovery if I still drank. In truth, the way I drank was a way of coping with socialising and the anxieties I felt that I can now see are a feature of my autism.

Reflecting on these patterns and seeking professional insight revealed a deeper understanding of myself that had been hidden for so long. This discovery has been life-changing, helping me to embrace who I am, honour my needs, and navigate the world with more authenticity and self-compassion.

Final Thoughts

Five years of not drinking has taught me more about myself and the world than I ever imagined. It’s been a journey of growth, self-discovery, and deep transformation. If you’re considering giving up alcohol or just curious about what life might look like without it, know this: the unexpected truths you’ll discover along the way will be entirely your own, and they might just change everything for you too.

Here’s to clarity, connection, and all the beautiful lessons life has to offer—sober and fully present.

If this blog has resonated with you and you feel curious as to what changes you might want to make in your life, I can support you.

I am an Executive and Life Coach dedicated to helping you create meaningful, lasting change in your life. Through transformative and embodied coaching techniques, I guide you in addressing the core of your challenges, empowering you to unlock your full potential and thrive in both your personal and professional life.

Contact me via email: hey@sarahdodsley.com