Why I don’t do quick fixes

2nd February 2024

Everything is available to us in an instant these days. We get so easily frustrated when our phones don’t throw up the page we are searching for in a nano-second or if we have to wait longer than an Amazon Prime minute for something to be delivered to us.

It’s no wonder we feel impatient, everything is at our fingertips in a heart beat and we are conditioned to expect it. Of course, this has huge benefits, it’s convenient and let’s face it, we are all so busy all of the time, we don’t want to feel like we are wasting our precious moments when there is a quicker way.

But, this instant life does not apply to all areas and nor should it. When my anxiety was at its peak  I would have given anything to have been able to press a button to get rid of it, for that immediate relief, for my emotional pain and turmoil to be gone. But I now know that it not the way when it comes to really healing ourselves. It takes time, and it works.

Immediate relief often comes in the form of more unhealthy coping mechanisms that I was certainly familiar with at various points in my life. Numbing out on alcohol – that whole ‘wine o’clock’ culture that allows us to block out our feelings with a big glass of something. Doom scrolling through social media and making judgments about what I was seeing and often feeling even more ‘less than’ before I had started!

Staying up too late and binge watching TV knowing full well that I was going to feel shattered the next day but too jittery to sleep. Many of us even combine these coping strategies all at the same time. Do you find yourself unable to watch TV without your phone in your hand?

Maybe it’s emotional eating or even other substances that are the go to. There are so many ways we try and seek the immediate relief from how we are feeling and there is zero judgment from me about it. I get it. They are coping mechanisms that we employ to try and protect ourselves. We don’t want to feel the discomfort, the pain, the suffering, so we find ways to avoid it.

But in the long run, it does not work. It is an avoidance tactic at best, a prolonging of the real work that needs to be done to actually be with those feelings that so desperately need your love and attention. 

I have been on my own journey for many years now, I sought out counselling in my late teens for the first time after developing unhealthy eating patterns and terrible anxiety and over the years and to this day, I have tried lots of different modalities and ways of healing that in their own way have all been a part of the journey. 

The biggest shifts came for me after I turned 40. After two traumatic births of my children, I embarked on a new journey of support in the form of life coaching. I had always been a supporter of talking therapies but I was also craving a deeper experience, something that would energetically make a difference. I wanted more of a sub-conscious transformation to really change my patterns of thinking and behaviour. I had a need to really get to the heart of what was going on for me. Once you have had your fair share of trips around the sun, you can begin to recognise your patterns when the same stuff keeps slapping you in the face over and over, I knew I wanted deeper change in my life. 

When I look back now, I see how much a of tipping point this deep life coaching work was for me. It opened my eyes to the core of my wounds, my ways of coping and thinking and rather than rejecting those darker elements to my being, I was able to see them in a different way. To see them as wounds that needed love, attention and care and not to be rejected anymore. I no longer had to beat myself up for these parts of myself. 

I could not have done that alone. My sense of ‘not enough-ness’ would have got in the way. I would not be where I am now if it had not been for this game changing support. I was expertly guided through this amazing work which led to me following a new path in my own coaching practice and trained in the very same modalities that helped me. I add to them each year with more learning and training.  I had been coaching for years at this point and feeling and seeing the impact of my work but I knew the power of these methods first hand and I was compelled to include them in my practice. I also, regularly have my coaching support and have recently finished working with a psychotherapist. It’s a part of my life to seek the support when I need it.

So this leads to back to where I began, the quick fix. At one time, I would have really wanted to tell people that I could help them quickly because that is what we all want. But now, I can tell you with confidence that I will not help you quickly. I will help you at the pace that is right for you. That does not mean it will be easy, I don’t think that confronting our feelings is a walk in the park, but I know how to hold you through it. I will challenge you to meet your edges but not so you feel like you will drown in your feelings.

I will equip you with tools and techniques to be able to resource yourself so that in time you are empowered to self support. I take you on a journey to feeling calm, grounded and confident using all the tools in my kit. 

How long does that take? Its a good question and it really depends. There is no one size fits all. I have had clients who have spent 4 months with me and achieved what they wanted and other clients who have worked with me for a year. Many clients will work with me for a few months and then have a break and come back for more when it’s time. That’s the beauty of it, we make it work for you. It’s not a prescription! It becomes about a deeper exploration rather than needing to be fixed, because you don’t. I want you to see how incredible you are and if that makes you feel uncomfortable to read, that’s ok, it means it’s a good time to begin this journey.

Quick fixes are not the way to long term change. It’s about increasing your capacity over time, growing a tolerance for discomfort and being open to exploration (amongst other things!) and this is what I offer which in turn leads to you creating the space you want in your life, to spend more time doing what you want, when you want, on your terms. To feel in control and happy.  

If you want things to change in your life, your reactions, your ‘go to’ coping mechanisms and you have no idea where to start. Talk to me, let’s book in a free call and I can tell you how it works.

Email me: hey@sarahdodsley.com to book.